- I am an elite British Commando.
- I don’t use the special powder, but if I wanted to use the special powder I could.
- There is nothing missing from me – I am complete.
- Nothing bad has ever happened to me that would cause ongoing thought disturbances.
- If there were a point system for being a normal person, I would set the record.
- My greetings are friendly and charming.
- I give gifts appropriate for the occasion and the recipient’s place in my life.
- I can disappear and reappear at will.
- I control my own atmosphere.
- If I touch a home, it is protected from future storms.
- My breath is clear and free from flying insects.
- I can use a farm tractor appropriately and for the right reasons.
- My body is my spaceship and my spaceship cannot be defeated in a fight.
- There’s nothing incongruous about me.
- There are not a host of strangers living inside of me – there is only me.
- There are no unnecessary wires or chemicals in my body.
- All of my body’s chemicals are secreted in the appropriate amounts.
- All of my wires are free from rust and securely connected.
- I can immediately determine the difference between an actual person and a replica.
- I am one of those amazing people who can do anything.
- No one forces me to move my limbs in an awkward manner.
- When my limbs move, it is because I have chosen to move them.
- I can affect the outcome of a roulette wheel through imperceptible vibrations in my sinus cavities.
- I could find my real parents if I wanted to.
- The perfection I have achieved in my physical form is not temporary – it is eternal.
- I do not need a second chance to make a first impression.
- If I wanted to I could win every lottery.
- I am an elite skater.
- I am an expert marksman.
- I can lift heavy bags of groceries and walk up stairs without difficulty.
- I have no difficulty lifting objects over 20 lbs.
- I have no difficulty breathing.
- My bicycle is well-oiled and the gears shift smoothly.
- No one will ever find my secret place.
- Many famous people are eager to play cameos in my life.
- Wherever I sit, there is ample legroom.
- There is no phallic significance to me eating a banana as if it were an ice cream cone.
- I have achieved a significant place in history of my time and all historical epochs.
- I can enter a room and tell if the wrong people are in it.
- I am not wracked by guilt.
- I am not paralyzed in any way.
- I am not an unnecessary byproduct of misspent passion.
- I decide what will be redacted from the contemporary narrative.
- I decide what will be inserted into my mouth and when.
- I am the final element, without overtones.
- My eyes reflect the true depictions of the surrounding world.
- I am both part of the story and the writer of the story.
- I can appraise horses from all periods of the Americas.
- There is no reason to keep me behind bars.
- I know every moment is a chance to do the right thing or change what the right thing is.
- I am the driver and the car and the passenger and the road, the red light and the green light; there is no yellow light.
- When I want to fly, I fly; when I want to sit, a chair appears.
- My attention to personal affairs can never be described as “grossly inadequate”.
- My perspiration functions as a pleasantly scented, deep-pore cleanser.
- I can improve my blood flow without swallowing a capsule.
- My body maximizes the use of all nutrients and effortlessly flushes itself of toxins.
- I achieve optimum brain and body health without reliance on the whims of corrupt natural food elites.
- I am immune to the effects of electricity, no matter how high the voltage.
- I am able to draw the borders of all regions accurately and with precision.
- I am never at the mercy of unseen forces.
- There are no mice in my car’s heating system.
- I am a master of exotic martial arts.
- I can read the psychic aura of dangerous criminals and swiftly serve them justice.
- I do not need to see someone’s face to know who is talking.
- I never get the feeling I have fallen into a black hole and cannot get out.
- All four of my eyes are always open.
- My palette of readily available emotions is rich and deep.
- I am not made of plastic.
- I do not require road flares to become aware of roadside breakdowns.
- There is no flaking off of masonry inside of me.
- I am immune from the consequences of water absorption and freezing.
- I am not afraid of being trapped inside a confined space with a dwindling amount of oxygen – this is the type of situation in which I thrive.
- I can climb inside the rain and become its essence or allow it to simply bead off my skin.
- I have no valley; I have no plateaus; I only have peaks.
- I am capable of crafting untanned, irregular pieces of bloody cowhide into pleasing shapes.
- If a food item contains peanuts or was manufactured on equipment also used to process peanuts, I will know it.
- I am not allergic to peanuts.
- I give no useful answers under interrogation.
- I am not duped by camouflage.
- I have created a second brain, a duplicate brain within my real brain, and it is this second brain that the thought invaders enter.
- When I choose to walk through life as if through a one-way observation window, I cannot be seen.
- I do not need to strike while the iron is hot – I control metal in all its states.
- I am not susceptible to disempowering messages from a broken toaster.
- I have silenced all negative internal dialogues.
- I transform disempowering feelings or behaviors into winter jackets that can be given to those in need of winter jackets.
- I can operate in subliminal, semi-subliminal and overt mode.
- I am what all is about.
- There is no “good way” or “bad way” – there is only my way.
- I can sleep away from home comfortably on my right side, on my left side, on my back, or on my stomach – however it needs to be.
- My body’s internal thermostat regulates temperature and, therefore, I do not overheat.
- I excel at carnival games involving feats of strength or ionizing water.
- I will not die sitting down or laying on my back; like King Richard III, I will die standing on my own two feet, cut down by various medieval weapons.
- If I were a deep ocean trench, I would be the deepest ocean trench there ever was.
- Foreign daredevils repeat routine aspects of my daily life and call them “stunts.”
- I have the ability to gather and mobilize yaks in an emergency situation.
- The constant sensation I am riding upwards on a slow-moving elevator is merely me getting smarter.
- My lactose intolerance is not a weakness; it is an asset that allows me insight into the suffering of lesser mortals.
- The people who are always looking at me and thinking, “He must have a direct path to God” are 100% correct.
- If God has chosen to make our clandestine means of communication known to others as Revealed Truth, then I must accept it as His Will.
- When they think they have found me, I will already be gone.
