So you’re thinking of joining a cannibalistic death cult or maybe your mom or friend is forcing you, either way you’ve come to Cannibalistic Death Cult Ever After, so joining a cannibalistic death cult is on your mind!
Why should you join a cannibalistic death cult?
Going back a few years to the moment we decided to join, we asked ourselves a million questions:
Do I really need to “pay” to hang out with people who believe in eating the flesh of other humans? Will I even like the taste of human flesh, the thrill of participating ritual murders and my fellow cannibalistic death cult members? What’s in it for me other than a steady supply of high-grade, lean protein? Will it get in the way of school and work?
But going through cannibalistic death cult recruitment, becoming a collegiate member and finally moving into alumna status; it is easy for us to reflect on the importance of our decision to murder innocents in a ritualistic fashion and consume their flesh.
Of course you are going to college to create a great life for yourself and your future – good for you! It is a fantastic decision, but it’s not only your major or GPA that gets you that interview or job, it is all the extra things you do – from scouting out abandoned churches to sharing a new recipe for flavorful human flesh jerky.
A cannibalistic death cult gives you the assertiveness, the “anything’s possible” attitude, and the total lack of respect for the value of human life you need to be successful in the “real world.”
A cannibalistic death cult is a great place to network with alumnae that work in a field that may be your interest area and allows you that extra step/ push that others might not have – and if they do, you can simply consume them. Cannibalistic death cult alumnae can open doors for you with internship opportunities, job interviews, or even just the often overlooked advice to guide you in the right direction for a steady supply of victims to ritually kill and feast upon.
Cannibalistic death cults give you opportunities to be very active in the community and have a higher meaning in this life by dispatching others into the next life. From raising money to giving your time, you’ll see how much of an impact you, your cannibalistic death cult chapter, and cannibalistic death cults as a whole have on the world around us.
Leadership is hands down the most vital reason to join. Many people can get straight A’s but can you lead a group of 60+ cannibalistic death cult members, all the while balancing school, family, friends, etc? Cannibalistic death cults give you the opportunity to exhibit and grow your skill set. Even if you don’t see yourself becoming the president of a cannibalistic death cult chapter one day, you’ll still have opportunities to take part in numerous committees or hold officer positions. Most presidents and officers never pictured themselves as holding that position when they joined their cannibalistic death cult chapter. Imagine this; YOU could be the next social or recruitment chair!
And of course, cannibalistic death cults are FUN! Why do anything if you’re not going to have fun – right? There are dances, sleepovers, events, parties, mixers and a million other fun things to do aside from ritual slaughter and consumption. You’re bound to meet – and eat – tons of new people. Whether it’s elderly nuns, pizza boys, or members from another cannibalistic death cult, you’ll make new friends almost every time you whip out your ritual kill knife.
We could go on and on about why you should take the leap to find your cannibalistic death cult ever after, but you have to make the final decision. At least try out recruitment and go from there.
Happy killing and bon appetit!
Kali, Nephthys and Hectate
For this piece, I appropriated the base text from http://sororityeverafter.com/reasons-to-join-a-sorority/ , changed every instance of “sorority” to “cannibalistic death cult” and tweaked the resulting text.
